Of Silhouettes and Shadows

Yes, I'm using the last title from the last two weeks at church. The last two teachings have hit home for me in a huge way. Last week was Silhouettes. We talked about how each person has a spiritual gift which is their silhouette. Our spiritual gift is the way God wired us to live our lives through Him. He gave each one of us a different role to live out in His presence. We were given a website that you can go onto and take a spiritual gift assessment to find out what you're wired to do. I took mine and came up with my spiritual gift of Showing Mercy. This is what it said:

The results of your Spiritual Gifts Inventory indicate that your number one dominant gift is MERCY SHOWING! The Greek word "ellco" means to feel sympathy with or for others. As a mercy-shower you have the Spirit-given capacity and desire to serve God by identifying with and comforting those who are in distress. You understand and comfort your fellow Christian. You enter into the grief or happiness of others and have the ability to show empathy which is to feel WITH others, not just for others.

As a mercy-shower you are willing to deal with and minister to people who have needs that most people feel very uncomfortable working with. You seem to say the right thing at the right time. Your personality is likely one of soft-spoken love. It hurts you to scold someone; you are very non-condemning. People love you because of all the love you give them. You find it easy to express yourself and are outgoing with a low-key, inoffensive personality. You are easy to talk to, responsive to people, a good listener, peaceable, and agreeable. You tend to make decisions based on feelings more than fact and like to think about things for a while before making a decision.

This is exactly me. To the T. I want to live my life serving others and bringing joy to others. I have had quite the journey in discovering my faith. I have a family who doesnt exactly bring constant encouragement to me in my spiritual journey. My heart goes out to those who need to experience the joy and love of our God. I think it is because I have felt that exact same longing, and continue to feel it every day. I want to love like He loves. Generally most my feelings are due to the feelings of others, not to my own. I feel the greatest beauty of the Lord in everyone around me. I think that's why, even though I've never even been yet, I feel like a piece of my heart is in Africa. It aches to be there and to be surrounded by the people that show the most love you'll see and want nothing but your love. I pray that I am blessed enough to go there this summer and apply my spiritual gift in every extent possible.

‎"Our silhouette is the gift that comes from standing in the awesome presence of God's light."

Now onto the shadows, and then I will tie this all together. We all have shadows. We all have a dark side that we push to the back and pretend it doesn't exist. There is a thing called the shadow 9, which lists the 9 shadows throughout the bible. They are: anger, envy, pride, deceit, fear/anxiety, lust, inaction, gluttony, and pride in knowledge.

We can all relate to at least one of those feelings/shadows. For me, my shadow is fear/anxiety. That is what is standing in the way of me pouring out my spiritual gift every single day. I fear for change. I like people thinking I have the perfect life and am always ok. I have anxiety that people will hurt me if I pour myself out to them. I fear that if I completely open myself up and leave my heart for the world I will be alone.

I am not perfect and don't have the perfect life. I need to not be afraid to let people see that. I need to let others show me mercy and not just provide that for others. I need to be vulnerable and let God break me. To open my heart completely to Him and let Him make me whole again. I need to put off that shadow and put on the silhouette. Ephesians 4:22-24 states "You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness." Face your shadow and every single day put it off and make a conscious effort to put on your spiritual gift. To serve the Lord in the way He wired you to be.

Saved by Grace through Faith

Faith: the belief and trust in and loyalty to God

Trust-I have problems with trust. I am a very closed person and it's very hard for me to build strong relationships because of my lack of trust. I trusted everyone with all my heart at one point and felt like I was constantly being let down. My biggest trust I put into someone was with my family. After all, your family is supposed with be with you no matter what. Well, in my case-the person that every girl dreams to have in their life-left my life by choice. My heart just aches because so many people have lost their dad's-who were their best friends. Whose dads wanted nothing but to walk their daughter down the aisle some day, or to be protective and try to scare boyfriends away. I want nothing more than to have a dad who wants to do that. That wants to scare guys off just to be protective over me. Who wants to hold my hand walking down the aisle someday. But...unfortunately after a year of no communication, I have no trust.

I have struggled to come up with an answer to why things are the way they are. I want nothing but answers as to what did I do wrong. I am challenging myself to stop looking for answers, to trust His plan for me. I pray that I will be able to forgive and put my trust back into people. I am broken and sinful. I am stubborn in relationships. But our God forgives us, He loves us, and He trusts us. There is no greater Father than Him, so I need to put all my trust in Him. My faith is built upon trust. He will save me by grace, through faith.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:8-9

Greater Love Has No One Than This:

This first post has a lot to do with the entire title of my blog. The verse John 15:13 says "Greater love has no one than this: to lay one's life down for one's friends."

This verse has become one of my favorite verses in the entire bible. I have really realized the importance of friendship in the past few weeks. I was once again reconnected with one of the most important people in my life just over a month ago. I read back on a promise I once made to this person which was this: "My promise to you is that no matter how rough times get, I will always step in as your best friend and be there to support you. I promise to celebrate the good times with you and I promise to continue to be the greatest friend possible to you forever. I love and care about you as you are one of the most important people in my life." I broke that promise once again and failed as a friend. I was more selfish in my problems and needs than realizing that this person is what I needed to help get through those problems. I have spent many hours in tears over the challenges of frienships in general. But lately I have realized that all I can do is love. I can love anyone around me and encourage them in the best way I can. We are all human and we all make mistakes, Jesus will always forgive us :). But these friends that I have faced so many challenges in the past with are my support systems. They have gotten me to where I am in supporting me in my continuous search in who I am today. I grow every day in my faith and want nothing more than to experience the love of our Lord and to serve each day for him. I can now make a new promise to my best friend that I will never let our friendship fall out like it has in the past.

I told myself I wanted to look up the "Webster" definition of a friend and this is what it showed: a : one attached to another by affection or esteem.

That was a little disappointing to me because it is so much more than that. God created us to love one another unconditionally, no matter what as we love ourselves. We are attached to another through the Lord and his intentions for us to learn from the people closest to us through His teachings.

I would truly lay my life down for my friends. They are my rocks. They encourage me daily in my faith, teaching me things every moment that I did not know that God has taught to them. God is really challenging me right now to continue growing in His glory and to show that to others around me. I feel so overwhelmed at times with life and relationships, but then I feel His hand in my hand telling me that it is all part of a greater plan. These challenges in life and these friendships I made are for a reason. I want to surround myself with people that want to talk about Jesus or want to grow in their faith. I would love to be a part of supporting and witnessing someone elses walk with the Lord, just as my friends have supported me. No one will ever fully understand the depths of his love, but I will certainly continue seeking. God is good :).