Journal post from a few days ago:

My heart is hurting tonight as I am flying back from California with Dan. While we were taking off my mind wandered back to my flight home several summers ago from Florida with my family. For some reason I was sitting in a different row than them. Sadly, I can't emember who was sitting to my left, but there was this little boy to my right. He was going into 7th grade. For the first half of this flight he was staring out the window & kept rubbing his eyes. I was continuously wondering to myself if he was just sleepy or if he was crying. Eventually, very unlike me, but I started up conversation with him. I asked where his family was, and even though his English was a little hard to understand, I learned that his family lives in Guatemala and he was flying to Denver by himself to live with his uncle and go to middle school at Dunstan. My heart was so aching for this little boy. He cried while he shared his story with me. I kept myself pulled together and told him my mom was a teacher and gave him my cell phone number in case he ever needed help with school. I never heard from him again, but went home and prayed and cried for him to feel God's comfort in such a scary new world. That was the first time I had prayed in a long time.

So why does this little boy keep coming up in my mind? I am being broken right now by God and think he wants me to remember that feeling I had through this kid's story. The feeling that my heart was hurting not only for him, but with him. God wants to remind me that I am here to serve the helpless. That it is not only me in this world.

He is breaking some of my closest relationships to bring me closer to Him. He is taking the ones that led me to Him our of my life to break me and then fill me back up again with only His love.

I am not sure I am ready for that, but when will I ever be? Who is ever ready to have all the feelings and emotions emptied from them? To feel at an all time low somedays, just to be filled back up again with only His love and grace.

I think He is breaking me to pieces for my trip this July. So that I can go to Uganda with only His love to share. To love on the brokenhearted and hopeless. So while this may be one of the scariest, furthest out of my comfort zone experiences of my life, God wants that of me. He wants me far from all I've ever known, from the humanly push I have always had to seek Him, so that I may seek Him purely on my own.