Don't you ever wish that you could have control of everything? That you could determine everything about not only your life but about those around you's lives. I am struggling right now. I usually just try to blog about good and happy things going on in my life, but I am really struggling right now. I am just feeling so disconnected from the people close to me and I think it is because we all let our busy lives take over us. I know that I am busy between school, work, and just trying to find time to eat and sleep. I have been praying constantly to be shown how to find a balance between everything, to still keep my friends/family close in times of craziness. I thought last week, a week ago exactly actually that prayer had been answered.

At 7pm a group of my closest friends and I joined together to start a Bible Study. It was such a beautiful picture; 6 20 year old girls making the decision to engage in God as a group. He was such a part of our 2 hours together that night, opening all of us up to conversations that could only be had through him. I came home feeling so refreshed and excited. So close to God and so close to these girls that I consider family. I think I took that though as God answering my prayer and that was it; everything would just be perfect. Me being the selfish human being that I am.

That's not what he was doing at all. He was opening my eyes to the people that I have surrounded myself with and showing their beauty, but he wasn't just going to make things as easy as that. God is challenging me to not only have it be a once a week thing. To not only dive so deep into Him once a week, but every day. I will admit, I think I need to be held accountable to doing that. Hopefully a start to that is the book we are using for Bible Study; it is Beth Moore's Breaking Free and it has a daily worksheet to fill out. I am actually so excited to HAVE to do that every day. To take the time out of each day to give to God (although I should be doing everything through him all the time). But I still need more, I need those friends close to me to encourage me constantly; one of the friends that always has is busier than I am and that is a challenge for me. Or for her to come to me for all of her problems and updates, like I do to her, even though she has others to keep her accountable. I don't know why I expect this person to hold me so accountable or to make the time for me, but I feel disappointed when she doesn't (another part of me being an absolute control freak).

Prayer request:

God, you show me your love day in and day out, even though I may not immediately recognize it. Thank you for putting such amazing people into my life that hold me accountable in my relationship with you. I pray that you, God, continue to show me that my life isn't going to be a fairy tale and I am going to struggle. Help me to make the time to study the Word every day and worship you constantly. To do all those things without being pushed by those close to me. Thank you for loving and forgiving me, God.

Amen